I was thinkin' of my Granny today when I saw this posted on youtube. Say what you want about it bein' the debil, but sometimes... just sometimes... they pull out a gem like this.

I miss you Granny. Love you!

Dear Mr. Love

Today I had a moment of epiphany: I am loved. I am loved by many whose names I may never know or remember, but just my presence on this planet called Earth is a miracle to them. I'm not talking about the people in my family either. I'm speaking of the stranger on the street whose bad day became brighter because I smiled at them in passing. I'm talking about the nameless, faceless babies who are here because their mommas saw me being a Mom to my children and decided that they too wanted to be a part of the miracle.

As I sit here and think about all of the love I have given, I'm thinking of all the people around me who know not of this real, abiding love of which I speak. It's not the love that causes you to go out and seek every Tom, Dick and Tyrone to lie down with. No. This is the love I have for myself... the love my G-d has for me... this is the love I give to those around me... the love that helped me to heal from things no woman should ever have to deal with... the love that made me strong enough to walk away from someone who didn't love me at all... I guess I said all that to say this...

Thank you Mr. Love! (A MzNikki Original)

You Must Not Know 'Bout Me

Ok, so was surfing through my list of my people's blogs, and my girl JaySpice The Young Old Soul called my ass out for ths 5 things you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me (I had to!). Jay, you best to be glad I luff you like a play cousin, cause I'm not usually that into puttin' my business out there like that. As I wrote, I added more and more to the 5, but I guess that's ok. Here goes!

1) I was molested by a male cousin from the ages of 9-17. I have a lot of malice in my heart for this person, so holidays are a very strained and uncomfortable time of the year for me because this bastard wants to pretend that nothing bad ever happened. Yeah right! Shit still haunts me to this day, but my G-d and my husband have helped me to deal with all the crap that went with being a survivor. I still struggle with the anger and the guilt, but I am determined not to allow this to beat me.

2) Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in having my girls. Mostly because of all the shit I've been through, I wonder, did I do the right thing in bringing them here? But then my youngest (Mz Nikki 2.5) says "I love you Mommy", and I know...

3) I am very emotionally intuitive. I can sense what other people are feeling, which makes my life hard sometimes because I don't know if what I'm feeling is coming from me or the other person. This is one of the main reasons I refused to date my husband for almost 2 years.

4) I HATE needles! I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a child, so being stuck ain't real high up on my list of shit to do. Wanna see me go out like a true dramatic cunt? Brang that needle at me and let the games begin!

5) I am an emotional eater. This stems from my incest. Since I had to learn to keep a LOT of things inside, I used food as a way to comfort myself. I have been in therapy to try to help, but I still slip sometimes when my husband pisses me off or my oldest daughter (Mz Nikki Jr.) starts ackin' a donkey. It's an ongoing struggle, but hey, I try.

6) My first relationship (with Mz Nikki Jr's Daddy) was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. It took me almost 5 years to finally leave this man, and it was only by the grace of G-d that I wasn't killed the day I decided to leave his ass for good. He came home from work early, and when he saw the bags on the floor by the door, his ass went ballistic. I sustained multiple broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, a seperated shoulder, 2 broken bones in my arm, a ruptured peritoneum (he kicked a hole in my intestines) and I don't even remember how many cuts, bruises and contusions. I thank my G-d every single day that my brothers came when they did that night, because if they hadn't, Mz Nikki Jr and I would probably both be dead.

Bonus Round! (Cause I luff myself so much!)
7) I have a fear of squids. (And I fuckin' freak when I see calamari)
8) I wear more purple and Black than any other colors
9) I got pregnant at 17, but I lost my son when I was 6 months pregnant (RIP Brandon Kyle... Mommy still loves and misses you!)
10) I am back in school to finish a degree in... something. (LOL!!)
11) My younger sister is my best friend
12) My husband is 4 years younger than me
13) I love warm summer rain storms (perfect love makin' weather, right baby?)
14) I grew up in a racially mixed neighborhood & learned Spanish & some French by the time I was 10
15) I am 1 of 15 children on my biological father's side. I only met the rest of my brothers and sisters for the first time when my father died in 2002.

More to come as I think of them. Right now, it's bed time... I don't know who I can call out since most of the people I know have already filled this in, but 1 person I want to see is Shasta!

Mission: Miami

2 words ya'll... SUPERBOWL SHUFFLE!!!



See you in Miami, baby!!!

Things Change

Hey all! I know ya'll freaks are probably here looking for a new post, but Mz. Nikki is in the midst of creating a new home for some of the freakier posts on here. Sorry if shit's been looking kind of tangle eyed around here, but ya'll know a sistah gotta change some thangs up!

The new blog is almost ready to be unveiled, so be on the lookout. I'll be moving all of the freakum dress type posts over there, so don't worry, I'm not done dispensing that shit yet!

EDIT: the freakum girl posts are now here: Sexxy N The City See you there!

Happy Burfday To Ya!

Happy Burfday to me... happy birthday to me. Happy Burfday!

Yesssssss the world was blessed to come to now MzNikki 30 (shut up! I can turn 30 as many years in a row as I want, so neh!) years ago today. It's been a helluva ride, and the good LORD knows my ass has had fun. Take care and G-d bless all my crazee ass nigrettas and nigrettos out thurre!

'Tis Almost the Season

Today is November 6th, and I just have one question: Where the hell did the time go? I'm already busy gettin' my holiday hustle on, so ya'll gonna have to excurse me if I disappear from the blog again for a hot minute. The Dealer says he's on strike this year because he always looses all of his fingerprints from the tape used to hold up the lights, but he knows that if he don't put them lights up he gets none of my goodies. Hmph. Complainin' ass knows he loves the lights just as much as the rest of us.

Is it just me, or does Thanksgiving always become the forgotten holiday? I get excited about Chanukah and Christmas, but Thanksgiving is actually the most work intensive holiday. Lawd knows my Brown ass be in the kitchen from Monday morning until Wednesday night gettin' my cook on, so by the time dinnertime rolls around, my ass is too tired to eat... anything. Christmas/Chanukah is mild in comparison. I'm in and out of the kitchen in 2 days and still have the time and energy to go visitin' to everybody's houses... and get my sip on too! ;)

I'm about to say bah hmbug and go sit my ass down somewhere... aww who the hell am I kidding? I gotta go... it's time to get my shopping list together.