You Must Not Know 'Bout Me

Ok, so was surfing through my list of my people's blogs, and my girl JaySpice The Young Old Soul called my ass out for ths 5 things you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me (I had to!). Jay, you best to be glad I luff you like a play cousin, cause I'm not usually that into puttin' my business out there like that. As I wrote, I added more and more to the 5, but I guess that's ok. Here goes!

1) I was molested by a male cousin from the ages of 9-17. I have a lot of malice in my heart for this person, so holidays are a very strained and uncomfortable time of the year for me because this bastard wants to pretend that nothing bad ever happened. Yeah right! Shit still haunts me to this day, but my G-d and my husband have helped me to deal with all the crap that went with being a survivor. I still struggle with the anger and the guilt, but I am determined not to allow this to beat me.

2) Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in having my girls. Mostly because of all the shit I've been through, I wonder, did I do the right thing in bringing them here? But then my youngest (Mz Nikki 2.5) says "I love you Mommy", and I know...

3) I am very emotionally intuitive. I can sense what other people are feeling, which makes my life hard sometimes because I don't know if what I'm feeling is coming from me or the other person. This is one of the main reasons I refused to date my husband for almost 2 years.

4) I HATE needles! I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a child, so being stuck ain't real high up on my list of shit to do. Wanna see me go out like a true dramatic cunt? Brang that needle at me and let the games begin!

5) I am an emotional eater. This stems from my incest. Since I had to learn to keep a LOT of things inside, I used food as a way to comfort myself. I have been in therapy to try to help, but I still slip sometimes when my husband pisses me off or my oldest daughter (Mz Nikki Jr.) starts ackin' a donkey. It's an ongoing struggle, but hey, I try.

6) My first relationship (with Mz Nikki Jr's Daddy) was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. It took me almost 5 years to finally leave this man, and it was only by the grace of G-d that I wasn't killed the day I decided to leave his ass for good. He came home from work early, and when he saw the bags on the floor by the door, his ass went ballistic. I sustained multiple broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, a seperated shoulder, 2 broken bones in my arm, a ruptured peritoneum (he kicked a hole in my intestines) and I don't even remember how many cuts, bruises and contusions. I thank my G-d every single day that my brothers came when they did that night, because if they hadn't, Mz Nikki Jr and I would probably both be dead.

Bonus Round! (Cause I luff myself so much!)
7) I have a fear of squids. (And I fuckin' freak when I see calamari)
8) I wear more purple and Black than any other colors
9) I got pregnant at 17, but I lost my son when I was 6 months pregnant (RIP Brandon Kyle... Mommy still loves and misses you!)
10) I am back in school to finish a degree in... something. (LOL!!)
11) My younger sister is my best friend
12) My husband is 4 years younger than me
13) I love warm summer rain storms (perfect love makin' weather, right baby?)
14) I grew up in a racially mixed neighborhood & learned Spanish & some French by the time I was 10
15) I am 1 of 15 children on my biological father's side. I only met the rest of my brothers and sisters for the first time when my father died in 2002.

More to come as I think of them. Right now, it's bed time... I don't know who I can call out since most of the people I know have already filled this in, but 1 person I want to see is Shasta!

Mission: Miami

2 words ya'll... SUPERBOWL SHUFFLE!!!



See you in Miami, baby!!!