But They Stay the Same

Part 2 to "Wake Up All You Children: An Essay on Race in America":

On the flip-side ladies, all men are not dogs. Stop thinking you can change a man, and for the love of yourself, stop getting involved with these immature ass little boys thinking you can force him to grow up. Boys are trouble, men are worth it. A man will respect you if you respect yourself. A man will love you if you love yourself. Most of all, stop trying to make good Black men (or good White/Hispanic/Asian men too for that matter) pay for the mistakes that a few dumb asses in your past have made! Realize that not every man is your ex. See your man as the beautifully fragile and wonderful human he is. Don’t berate him just because he’s sensitive and shows his emotions, and for the love of G-d, stop putting all of his business out in the streets if he should show those emotions in front of you! Contrary to popular belief, your friends can and will live their lives quite happily without knowing every single detail of what goes on inside of your home.

Black women, love and embrace your kinky hair, your big lips, and your amazingly ample curves. Believe it or not, you are beautiful. We've got other races trying so hard to capture the amazing beauty and sensuality we were blessed with naturally that they’re literally dying to look like us. Look at white women, with their tan in a bottle, lip injections and ass implants. All things we have already, without a receipt. Be proud of who you are. White America jocks Jennifer Lopez and Selma Hayek because they have the features of a black woman, but aren't black, so it’s safe for them to sweat them. They will never be that hard on our beauty, so stop being so deep off into theirs. We will never get the props. We will never be in GQ® or Maxims® with the article focusing on our juicy asses, full lips and womanly curves. It's beautiful to them when it's on somebody else, but when it's on us? It's invisible. Fuck that, and fuck them.

One of the biggest problem black people as a whole suffers from is lack of self love. When we struggled so many years ago, we loved ourselves. We came together as a people and made differences. We loved ourselves because nobody else did. Our leaders demanded it. We were put down, spit at, beaten, hosed down, been attacked by dogs, told we were lower than those dogs when it came to us asserting our rights as dignified human beings and turned into strange fruit, dangling from trees all over the South like so many Christmas ornaments. That's just some of the tragedies our people have endured in this century alone, yet many of our people refuse to even try to go out to vote when the elections come around. Why? I don't know why black people are so comfortable with the tiny bit of real "freedom" we have. The ability to walk down the street without getting "night-sticked" to death has made us way too content. The only time black people really come together and exercise unity is when one of us gets our ass beaten by the cops. Then we’re ready to call Al Sharpton, ready to riot, ready to make a stand. We should be doing that stuff already! We are sleepwalking through life people, and while others excel, we’re busy hitting that snooze button, begging for just a few more scraps from Ole Massah’s table.

Bill Cosby called us out, and he was 500% correct with everything he said. Black people got pissed and were ready to call for a boycott of his television shows and books. Why? Truth hurts, I suppose. He said nothing more than most educated, moneyed Black people think about the ignorant ones languishing in the ‘hood: the "Man" is not to blame for every gotdamned thing that goes wrong with your life...you are! If Oprah Winfrey can overcome all the personal issues that she has and be the billionaire she is today, why can't we all? She went through some stuff in her life: victim of incest, loosing a child by 15, on her own by 17. This woman came from absolutely nowhere, now she's a household name. She’s educated and positive, giving back everything she can to the community, but how do we who should be her biggest fans reward her? We call insult and denigrate. Because she pronounces the endings of her words and decided not to air the contemptible morass of idiotry that are regular fare on shows like Jerry Springer, we call her a sell out; accuse her of catering to her white fans. Oprah has set an example that we should all be busting our asses to follow, but we’d rather be sitting at home visualizing ourselves as the next hot video hoochie du jour. Oprah is a worthy role model, Petey fuckin’ Pablo, Superhead and Cognac Jack (aka Remy Ma) are not.

Most Asian cultures focus on education. The White race forcuses on attaining what they need to survive by hook or by crook, but what is our focus as a race? What is the black goal? Settling? Stop settling! Damn it, we are the only ones holding ourselves back! Stop blaming whites for everything. A lot of them don’t have our best interests at heart, but believe it or not, most of them aren't trying to bring you down. Stop wanting everything handed to you on a silver platter just because your ancestors were slaves! That should push you harder. They paved the way for us, now it’s up to us to make something of it. Fight. Fight for your mind. Fight for the continuation of your freedom. This system was NOT made for us, it's been written, trust me. The justice system does not work for black people. If a black man and a white man commit the same crime, guess who's going to get ass raped for a longer period of time? It sure as hell ain’t gonna be Billy Bob, so please stop doing stupid shit that will get you locked up. The more of us that are locked up, the more us that aren't allowed to vote.

Martin Luther King died, wanted us to "overcome" and all we've done is "oversleep". We get a National Holiday and a day off from work and we think we've finally made it to the damned Big Time. We think we're finally respected. We think we're equal. We think we've got it made. We can just sit back and chill cuz it's all good in tha muthafuckin’ ‘hood, right? You better wake up and recognize, because life, and the struggle, are slowly passing you by.

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks to the lady who helped me put these ideas into words: Momma, I love you and thank you for helping me to rise.

Things Change...

Hey anybody who still stops through to read what I have to say. I'm sorry that I haven't been around much lately, but real life was keeping me busier than a one-legged man in an ass kickin' contest. Too much going on to even get into, but whatever.

Anywhoo, I was cleaning out some old files the other day when I came across a paper that I had written about 2-3 years ago for a creative writing class. As I was reading it, it dawned on me that this was something that I felt needs to be said. It's kinda sorta in my usual uplifting strain, but not quite... I'll let you be the judge of that. I think it's something worth posting. I actually posted it in another place online, but since this is my spot, I'm adding it here as well. It's going to be posted in about 2 parts, so stay tuned.

This is called, "Wake Up All You Children: An Essay on Race in America"

Education is universal. It has no color, no boundaries. It's for everyone, every race, every nationality, every gender. It's both a privilege and a requirement. Smart people succeed. Stupid people do not. Smart people run the economy. Stupid people do not. For many years, black people from our past have fought and died to give us the opportunities we have today. Black people of the past are more than likely rolling over in their graves (or on their tree limbs) right now, sick to their very souls at our shameful existence. The moment one of us succeeds via education, the hate starts to roll in from our own. When you don't speak like you're from the ‘hood, i.e. yo homie yo, thas my bike punk, fo shizzle bitch, bitch betta have my sweet potato pie, etc., you're not considered "black enough". You are relegated to the annals of the Tiger Woods, the Oprah Winfrey, and basically every other Black person who bothers to speak like they have, and are using, their educations. There are many black people in this world, myself included, who want to conquer and BE. There are black people in this world who want to get out of the ghetto's, the projects, or whatever, to get a substantial position on Wall Street, be the Chief of Staff at a major hospital, make partner in a prestigious law firm. That's not trying to be white. That is called being driven to succeed, and contrary to ignorant folk’s beliefs, that’s completely okay.

Black people please, want more for yourself and your children. Stop thinking the only way you can make it is to hustle bootleg CD's and stolen watches. Sure those things will get you paid in the short term, but what about four or five years from now? Hustle for real. Life is a hustle, so learn to play by the man’s rules. White people who run this country hustle every single day of their lives, they just wear a suit and tie doing it. Black people, you don't have to limit yourselves to ghetto vernacular. Command the King’s English with veracity and eloquence. Expand your mind by acquiring skills that will be beneficial in your work. When your boss asks you if you're finished copying those documents, please don't reply with, "Shimmy, shimmy ya, I got these copies for ya *does the Bojangles*". Please, just stop.

Young black men, man up in school. Study your books instead of the anatomy of every female who passes by. School is not a fashion show. Please stop thinking that just because you have the newest Jordan’s, that fly FUBU outfit and more gold chains than Fort Knox that you're the man. You’re not. You're still a just an ignorant brotha who can't spell, can't read, can't add, but spent all his lunch money on a pair of expensive shoes and yet is rockin’ a report card full of D's and F’s. And then you have the nerve, the utter audacity even, to demand respect? Tell me about the Civil War or World War II, why they started and why we were forced to fight them, and then maybe I'll respect you a little bit. Pull your pants up. Respect the people who gave you life. Respect your elders and treat them as the gold mines of wisdom and knowledge that they are. Don’t be so quick to disrespect a young Black woman who ignores you when you approach her speaking like you just stepped one foot out of the ‘hood. Stop laughing at people just because they don’t conform to society’s standard of beauty. Own up to your responsibilities as a man and as a father. Find positive role models. Read. Try to invent something besides a new sex position. We come from a long line of great inventors. Research the lives and works of people like Benjamin Banneker, Carter G. Woodson and Madame CJ Walker.

Grown men, take care of your women. Stop ho'ing around. That has never been cute, and your "But I'm a man" excuse is invalid. You are not a man. You’re nothing more than a little boy pretending to be something you clearly are not. Black men, realize that the amount of sex you have and number of women you get to lay down for you does not substantiate your level of manhood. Having a job, an education, self respect and self love are what make you a man. Keep getting all that sex and you will most certainly find yourself infected with the Magic Johnson Disease or something else that you can’t take a pill to kill. Stop calling every woman you meet out of her name. Eat better, because too many of our black men are dying of heart disease and high cholesterol. If you have children, be a part of their lives. Raise them. Don't just come around to drop off some Pampers® and a check. Don't just come around to SAY you've been around. Make that child remember who you are. Make that child miss you. Love your kids and respect them, they'll love and respect you back.

Young black women, 2 years from now, nobody is going to give a hot damn that you were the lead Skank shaking her ass in that Lil Jon video. Try to acquire better goals for yourself. You may be beautiful to look at, and your ass may shake more than a Parkinson’s patient, but how about you put the thongs down and pick up a book? Adjust your weave. Fix your broken acrylics. Bathe. Love yourselves. Get born. Embrace positive Black women who are fearless leaders. Sisters, realize that just because that brotha around the way has a nice car does not mean he's rich. Stop going for men who you think will spend all their money on you. That doesn't make you a woman: that makes you the gold digging tramp that most men assume we all are. Love and support your man, but realize your life does not begin and end with what makes him happy. Educate yourself. Make your man and your children proud to call you ‘Wife’ and ‘Mother’. Make your own money. Do your own thing. Have a life outside of your home. Financial independence is a beautiful thing. Stop supporting these sorry men who don't want to work because they're sharing your check. Stop opening your legs for every Tom, Dick and Tyrone.

Young women, stop making babies just to prove that you can. Respect yourselves. Learn to be a lady. Speak English. Stop hating on your sisters just because. Give yourself time to grieve when a relationship ends. Don’t just jump into a new one because you’re afraid to be alone. Enjoy and embrace periods of alone time as a chance to rekindle your passion for you and the things you love to do. Remind brotha’s around the way that neither you nor any of your sisters of the spirit are a bitch, ho, or any other demeaning name. Don’t just say the words, “I am a strong Black woman”, mean them! When you see Black men disrespecting another Black woman, stand up and say “Enough!” Strong Black women, remember you come from a heritage of royalty. Your ancestors built the pyramids in Egypt while other races were still struggling to harness the power of fire. Stop rolling your eyes and rolling your neck all the time, you don't have that disease that Muhammad Ali has, so what is your problem? You only reinforce all the negative stereotypes that many of us have fought to overcome when you act the role of ‘Hood Rat De Jour’, so please, reevaluate your actions.

That's part one... part two is coming soon, so let me know what you think

This is 4 Tha Nappies... Strictly 4 Tha Nappies!

Ok, hey peoples who actually read here. Tonight I was on nappturality.com and a young woman wrote about her constant struggle to keep her head on straight about her nappiness. I could really identify with what she was going through. This is what I wrote in response to her post:

First of all it's going to be okay lil Sis.

Second, don't feel depressed about the state of your feelings towards your hair. Every nappy has days when she may think twice about the decision she made to take back her hair (and her self confidence). All of us can become bogged down with the negative energy that makes us doubt the wisdom of our choices. Just recognize it for what it is: the centuries of ingrained dislike (and that's putting it mildly) for our nappy hair.

The next time you feel that way, stop what you're doing and look at yourself in the mirror, even if it's just a lil old hand mirror. Look at all of the beautiful parts that make up the absolutely amazing whole. Your eyes are gawgus. Your nose is perfection. Your smooth cocoa skin is craved by women of other colors the world over, as are your lips and smile. Your hair is amazing... do you know how many non Black women would love to be able to do the things you do with your hair?

Heck, do you know just how amazing a gift it is to be a strong Black woman who is free of the lye and embraces the natural beauty that G-d gave her? It's humbling that He gave me the strength to be able to do this. Know that you are blessed to be where you are because so many sistahs will never get there.

You are beautiful! From the top of your nappy head to the bottom of your feet. Now go out and rock those napps baby!

You know, sometimes all it takes is for one person we may never ever meet in this life to step in and give us that something we've been missing. This was my chance to be that one single person. Here's hoping that you take your one single chance to change the course of a person's life.

Peace and blessings ya'll!

Makeda - Les Nubians

You can't tell me you don't wanna just sit and chill somewhere after you listen to this song. I love this song and video, which was filmed in and around N'awlins back in about '97 or '98

Too bad N'awlins might never be the same again :(

In & Out of Time

Hey people! I was sitting with my little people the other day, playing with the babies and listening to #2 Daughter reading to her little brother and sister while #1 Husband and Daughter were sitting on the couch watching TV. It just so happened that the movie they were watching was Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion. Now some people know how I feel, but the majority of ya'll don't, so let me tell you I LUFF Madea! She may be ghetto in the extreme, but man does she have some good things to say. I have a Madea in my life (hey Big Momma!), so I know how valuable their input can be on our lives nowadays... especially when love seems like the most disposable commodity in the world.

Cecily Tyson (Aunt Myrtle and one of my Ms. Jenkins) was talking about how she had been blessed to share time and space with someone who she believed that G-d has created especially for her, and that stopped me cold. I looked at my #1... and in that heartbeat... that, second, I knew what she meant. I always fuss about him being able to read me like a book, but I do the same thing to him. We walk and talk--and sometimes we even breathe at the same rate... was he, this man who has been my comfort and my strength through so much adversity and pain, this amazing man that sometimes I admit I have taken for granted... was this beautifully human person created just for me? It's a humbling thought that G-d took time out of His busy schedule to create someone who makes my life whole...

Now I have seen Madea's Family Reunion live and in movie form, but I must say that the movie really touched on something I believe: Love is something so special that is shouldn't be rushed into because of outside forces compelling you to do it. And you darned sure can't allow anybody to live your life for you! Stand up and let your voice be heard! Love yourself enough to say "No More!" Be of one mind and one heart with the special person in your life... unless that person is not any good for you. Then you need to find the strength to walk away.

Maya Angelou read a poem in the movie that really touches on this theme. It's called In & Out of Time:

The sun has come.
The mists have gone.
We see in the distance
Our long way home.

I was always yours to have.
And you were always mine.
We loved each other in and out of time.

When the first stone
looked up at the blazing sun.
and the first tree struggled
from the forest floor.
I had always loved you more.

You freed your braids.
Gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honeybees.

I reached in the mass
For the sweet honeycomb there.
God, how I loved your hair.

You saw me bludgeoned
By circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.

I screamed to the Heavens.
Loudly screamed.
Trying to turn our nightmares into dreams.

The sun has come.
The mists have gone.
We see in the distance
Our long way home.

I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We loved each other in and out,
In and out,
In and out of time

Stay blessed and remember, someone has been created, some one special and unique and beautiful who will love you in and out of time!

Michael Moore's 'Sicko'

I'm so pissed after watching this! The fuck is wrong with America?!?! This is why I'm really ready to cah my ass (along with my husband, M&D, the rest of my peoples and my 4 chirrens) to Canada... 'eh?

And why the fuck is Ronald "Dead Man Walking/I Can't Recall" Reagan in this movie? I HATE big health care!

For the Mommies Out There

I'm sitting here with my babies and my girls and I'm just wondering to myself: how in the world did I get to this place? Was I insane to add two more kids to the mix? Then a friend posted this:

Why God Made Mothers

By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime.

An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much time on this one"?

And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No Way!", said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"

"And that's just on the standard model?" the Angel asked.

The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head, are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she's sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower. "

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak." The Lord objected. "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything; for mothers are truly amazing!"

~by Erma Bombeck~

And I remember... I remember

For those of you who are wondering, I've decided that I want to make a fresh start with this blog, and I'm trying to keep the positive energy flowing into my life by cutting down on the negative stuff that I post. I figure that there are enough outlets for that mess, so it's time for me to start putting out that pos. energy into the universe and letting G-d make a way out of no way.

Now this is not to say that I won't occasionally still get crunk, but just not as often. My mind and energies are needed elsewhere. I'll still keep you up to date with how things are going with the twins, but my life is pretty much going to be about uplifting instead of denigrating. Life is too beautiful for all that!

Until next time America!

The Confident Woman

Hey ya'll *crickets*

I found this online and liked it... let me know what ya'll think!

The Confident Woman (Start today living Boldly and without fear) by Joyce Meyer

Confident people do not concentrate on their weaknesses; they develope and maximize their strengths.

A confident person is open to learning, because she knows that her confidence allows her to walk through life's doorways,eager to discover what waits on the other side.

Confidence allow us to face life with boldness, openness, and honesty. It enables us to live without worry and to feel safe. Confidence gives us permission to be different, to be unique.

A confident woman knows that she is loved, refused to live in fear,is postive, recovers from setback, avoids comparisons,takes actions and does not live in " if only", and "what if".

Fear is a dangerous virus and will cause you to never reach the potential in your life.

Once you allow the spirit of fear to take hold of your life, you open the door to other spirits that will grip your heart and cause you to freeze up, unable to move forward in confidence. and assurance.

New Growth

I love this video. I am napptural (no heat, no chemicals), so I am totally feeling the messages in this video. I also love the fact that so many Nappy's were representing so very well for all of us who have made the transition to what G-d gave us. Like a friend told me, "G-d don't make no mistakes!" Amen!

Today was a day of revelations for me. First I realized that everybody you think is your friend, isn't. Second, I realized that I don't really give a hawt fuck what people think of me. As long as I am true to myself, then everything else is alright. I also realized that I talk too much to the wrong people, but that situation is being rectified as we type.

I was going to type some ignance here, you know, respond to the stupidity that these people were putting out, but I decided that adding to an already tense situation is just asking for trouble. These are some mean innanet streets, and I don't wanna be known as an Innanet Gangsta (SNORT!!!) Not to mention the fact that if I lower myself to their level, they win. Fuck that. All I can do is pray for your enlightenment and wish you heaven!

Peace, Love and Blessings ya'll!

Willie Lynch Syndrome

Hey everybody. You know, usually I come on here and try to be at least a little bit positive about the things I see around me, but some shit just needs to be said about the foolishness I see going on around me. I was over on Black Hair Media tonight and I was reading a post by a young woman who was more... fuck it. You gots ta read this shit churre for yourself

Is this Bitch For Real?!?!

*stunned look* Am I the only one who felt really sad to know that she felt that way? I mean come on... I know I had more important things on my mind than whether or not my little girl was going to be happy, healthy and filled with joy than about some shit like whether she was gonna have nappy ass hair. And for this one to be saying she doesn't wanna have kids cause of that is an affront to me. I had a hard time getting pregnant with #2 daughter... a real hard time. And for this child to sit there and say she doesn't wanna have kids cause of nappy hair makes me want to find her and Suge Knight choke-dance with her ass until she drops.

*EDIT* Please, please, please read through some of the advice the people on that damned forum gave her! *drops in the road like Sophia... dress flyin' up with white draws showing*

I guess Ole Willie's methods worked after all.

My people, we have GOT to do better!

Black to My Roots

Hey everybody. It's 2:19am as i begin to write this. Everybody is asleep except for me, and I am feeling pretty damned good about myself today. I finally did it... I got my Big Chop! I did it myself after rocking about a year's worth of Microbraids. I am feeling free, but scared at the same time. There is so much information out here about nappy but happiness, that sometimes I feel a little bit lost. Luckily one of the ladies over at C&D cyber adopted me and is answering all of my questions.

I am so elated at finally getting up enough courage to chop that fire cream out of my head I don't what to do! I would scream and cut capers, but I ain't trying to wake the babies. Now I just want to take the time to get to know this fluffy, puffy, kinky textured hair on my head. I am loving every single strand, but I know it won't always be such a love affair. I'll have good days and bad days, but I refuse to be defeated. I love my Blackturally beautiful hair!

Speaking of It and Dit (my names for the babies), today marks almost 3 weeks with them and so far so good. Dillon is smiling and follows my every move, and McKenna is already Daddy's Baby... which is just fine with #2 Daughter. She'd just happy to not be the baby in the family anymore.

*looks around to make sure she's sleeping* She doesn't know that she's always gonna be Momma's baby.

#1 daughter will be 16 in a few days. As I look back, I wonder where the hell did the time go? It seems like just yesterday that I was bringing home this little bundle of love, and now here she is, almost an adult. *tears up* My little girl is a young lady now, and I am so proud of her, my straight 'A' student. Lei, every day with you has been a joy, and I hope that one day you will understand why I am so hard on you. I only want the best for you, my baby... my young woman... the first great love of my life.

Ready, Aim, Fire!!!

Update: It's been almost 2 weeks since I got the babies and all is going extremely well. Their names are now officially Dillon Anthony and McKenna Rose. I can't wait until they're sleeping through the nights, 'cause this up and down all nite long stuff is for the birds.

I wanted to stop here and respond to a comment left in the last thread by my girl Saun from C&D:

I know it's kind of sad and maybe a little mean, but I'm hoping the mother doesn't come back.~ Saun

Saun, don't feel that this is a mean thing to think. I pray every minute of every day that she doesn't, but I'm ready for the reality that she might. I don't want to give my babies back, but in the end I am only the caretaker of these two until the courts say that such a time has arrived that I can be their Mother. I pray that this young woman does the right thing and just leaves us in peace, but at the same time I know how hard it can be to lose a child, and adoption, especially when you don't know who the people getting your baby are, is losing a child. Sad, but true.

In happier news, I feel that I just have to share this story.

DH was taking over daytime diaper duty, and as is his normal routine, he was talking to me at the same time that he was changing Dillon's diaper. Now, both of my older girls were in the nursery with us, and they both went all googly eyed as the baby's penis started to rise to the occasion. Now, I tried to warn my DH what was about to happen, but like always, he didn't listen. And just as the boy's penis came to a head, daughters part 1&2 ducked and laughed their butts off as Daddy got a face full of pee.

Did I laugh you ask? You're darned tootin' I did! Laughed so hard I had tears in my damned eyes. I done told him about doubting the Momma! I should feel bad, but I can honestly say that I do not!

Take care and be blessed... until next time!

Babies Mine

Wow... has it really been almost 3 months since I last blogged? I guess time really does fly when you're up to nonononono gooood! (that episode of Martin kills me every damned time!)

As some of y'all may or may not know, #1 Husband and I were recently certified to become adoptive/foster parents. Well, Tuesday morning/ early afternoon, the DCFS in my state called and told me that they had an emergency placement for us: 3 day old biracial twins who were abandoned at a firehouse. Question was: can you take them on such short notice? Are you kidding?!?! Hell YEAH I can take them! I explained what was going on to my supervisor lady, kissed my girls bye bye, and was out the door faster than Flo Jo on Monster Energy drink! I spent the rest of the evening running around like a chicken with my head cut off getting baby clothes, diapers, milk, toys, furniture, etc while my husband (thank you soooooooo much Baby!!!!) ran to various relatives houses to pick up any random stuff they had available for us. Fortunately one of my cousin's had a baby in January and had kept most of her baby clothes. Only 1 problem now: this is a boy/girl twin combination, and most of the clothes I got from family were for girls! Damn, damn, damn! *in best Florida Evans voice*... It was getting late and I had to wait for them (the people bringing the babies) to get to my house, but I knew Tuesday morning was gonna be a full on sprinting around town yet again kinda day!

Anyway, I finish running around at close to eleven pm, and we have yet to get the furniture set up and stuff. Luckily my FIL is good with his hands and he got the bassinet set up just as they were pulling into the driveway with the babies. They had come straight from the hosptial, and were swaddled in yellow duckie covered blankets... and were the most amazingly beautiful little people I have ever seen. I fell head over heels in love with them and haven't looked back since! But ummmm real talk for a minute: Can I just say that I did not remember how much work having newborns can be?!?! I thank G-d on bended knee that both of my girls are having as much fun taking care of them as I am, but still. Those 3a.m. feedings are a summabitch! I have to say thank you to my MIL, my 2 SIL's and my BIL's, cause if it hadn't been for them, I would have been out for the count. A sistah's ass is so tired, she's about to fall asleep sitting at the 'puter!

*side eyes #1 Daughter as she sneaks into the nursery to check on the babies*

She ain't slick! She wake 'em, she take 'em!

I am so happy right now, but at the same time, I am utterly amazed that G-d worked so fast to bring these two little people into my home and heart. I can't front though, I'd love to have a dozen! I was always the one who took care of people's babies when they went out, so this is really a blessing for me. The best part is that the mother has basically severed her parental rights and if she doesn't show up to claim them within 60 days, we can adopt them! I really am about to cut capers right now!!! The only thing holding me back now is time. I'm a worrier. It's what I do and damn it, it's what I'm good at.

We're still excited as hell though! I just have to come up with names for them... any suggestions from the people reading this? My son's name (I got a baby boy damn it!!!!) will probably be Dillon Nicholas. I just need to come up with a name for my daughter. Some of my favorite choices are Rhiannon Claire, McKenna Rose, Savannah Caroline and Sarah Elizabeth. I know... really YT names, but I would never name a child something I wouldn't want to be named.

I'm typing this as they nap, and they are the most peaceful little people I have ever seen! They'll be up in about 2 hours for another feeding, but I don't mind. I love having them in the house already. Even #2 Daughter is excited to finally not be the baby anymore! I had them in the nursery last night, but #1 said that he'd feel better if they were in the room with us, so bassinette moves to our room tonight. Cuts down on my running too, but also adds to him being about to help... he's just as excited as I am.

Anyway, I want you all to pray for me, laugh with me (cause I just know we're gonna have some funny ass moments soon), and most of all, celebrate with me damn it!!!

Timeless Messages for Black Women

I found this on youtube and since I love this song, I decided to post it here. Sang yo song Niecy!!!

The ladies featured (not in order):

JOYCE BRYANT, Josephine Baker, Nina Mae McKinney, HAZEL SCOTT, Fredi Washington, Katherine Dunham, FLORENCE MILLS, LORRAINE HANSBERRY, Diana Sands, PEARL BAILEY, BrickTop, DINAH WASHINGTON, Sarah Vaughan, ELLA FITZGERALD, Leslie Uggams, Ma'RAINEY, NANCY WILSON, CARMEN McRAE, Madame Sul-Te-Wan

MINNIE RIPERTON,PHYLLIS HYMAN, Ethel Waters, Hattie McDaniel, Abbey Lincoln, MOMS MABLEY, Teresa Graves, Debbie Allen, Bessie Smith, Hilda Simms, Ellen Holley, Josephine Premice, Alberta Hunter, Shirley Horn, Mabel Mercer, NINA SIMONE, Judith Jamison, Diahann Carroll, Nell Carter, Gwendolyn Brooks, Nikki Giovanni,

BILLIE HOLIDAY, DOROTHY DANDRIDGE, Celia Cruz, Rosalind Cash, BEVERLEY JOHNSON, Lena Horne, Shirley Bassey

I was thinkin' of my Granny today when I saw this posted on youtube. Say what you want about it bein' the debil, but sometimes... just sometimes... they pull out a gem like this.

I miss you Granny. Love you!

Dear Mr. Love

Today I had a moment of epiphany: I am loved. I am loved by many whose names I may never know or remember, but just my presence on this planet called Earth is a miracle to them. I'm not talking about the people in my family either. I'm speaking of the stranger on the street whose bad day became brighter because I smiled at them in passing. I'm talking about the nameless, faceless babies who are here because their mommas saw me being a Mom to my children and decided that they too wanted to be a part of the miracle.

As I sit here and think about all of the love I have given, I'm thinking of all the people around me who know not of this real, abiding love of which I speak. It's not the love that causes you to go out and seek every Tom, Dick and Tyrone to lie down with. No. This is the love I have for myself... the love my G-d has for me... this is the love I give to those around me... the love that helped me to heal from things no woman should ever have to deal with... the love that made me strong enough to walk away from someone who didn't love me at all... I guess I said all that to say this...

Thank you Mr. Love! (A MzNikki Original)

You Must Not Know 'Bout Me

Ok, so was surfing through my list of my people's blogs, and my girl JaySpice The Young Old Soul called my ass out for ths 5 things you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me (I had to!). Jay, you best to be glad I luff you like a play cousin, cause I'm not usually that into puttin' my business out there like that. As I wrote, I added more and more to the 5, but I guess that's ok. Here goes!

1) I was molested by a male cousin from the ages of 9-17. I have a lot of malice in my heart for this person, so holidays are a very strained and uncomfortable time of the year for me because this bastard wants to pretend that nothing bad ever happened. Yeah right! Shit still haunts me to this day, but my G-d and my husband have helped me to deal with all the crap that went with being a survivor. I still struggle with the anger and the guilt, but I am determined not to allow this to beat me.

2) Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in having my girls. Mostly because of all the shit I've been through, I wonder, did I do the right thing in bringing them here? But then my youngest (Mz Nikki 2.5) says "I love you Mommy", and I know...

3) I am very emotionally intuitive. I can sense what other people are feeling, which makes my life hard sometimes because I don't know if what I'm feeling is coming from me or the other person. This is one of the main reasons I refused to date my husband for almost 2 years.

4) I HATE needles! I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a child, so being stuck ain't real high up on my list of shit to do. Wanna see me go out like a true dramatic cunt? Brang that needle at me and let the games begin!

5) I am an emotional eater. This stems from my incest. Since I had to learn to keep a LOT of things inside, I used food as a way to comfort myself. I have been in therapy to try to help, but I still slip sometimes when my husband pisses me off or my oldest daughter (Mz Nikki Jr.) starts ackin' a donkey. It's an ongoing struggle, but hey, I try.

6) My first relationship (with Mz Nikki Jr's Daddy) was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. It took me almost 5 years to finally leave this man, and it was only by the grace of G-d that I wasn't killed the day I decided to leave his ass for good. He came home from work early, and when he saw the bags on the floor by the door, his ass went ballistic. I sustained multiple broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, a seperated shoulder, 2 broken bones in my arm, a ruptured peritoneum (he kicked a hole in my intestines) and I don't even remember how many cuts, bruises and contusions. I thank my G-d every single day that my brothers came when they did that night, because if they hadn't, Mz Nikki Jr and I would probably both be dead.

Bonus Round! (Cause I luff myself so much!)
7) I have a fear of squids. (And I fuckin' freak when I see calamari)
8) I wear more purple and Black than any other colors
9) I got pregnant at 17, but I lost my son when I was 6 months pregnant (RIP Brandon Kyle... Mommy still loves and misses you!)
10) I am back in school to finish a degree in... something. (LOL!!)
11) My younger sister is my best friend
12) My husband is 4 years younger than me
13) I love warm summer rain storms (perfect love makin' weather, right baby?)
14) I grew up in a racially mixed neighborhood & learned Spanish & some French by the time I was 10
15) I am 1 of 15 children on my biological father's side. I only met the rest of my brothers and sisters for the first time when my father died in 2002.

More to come as I think of them. Right now, it's bed time... I don't know who I can call out since most of the people I know have already filled this in, but 1 person I want to see is Shasta!

Mission: Miami

2 words ya'll... SUPERBOWL SHUFFLE!!!



See you in Miami, baby!!!

Things Change

Hey all! I know ya'll freaks are probably here looking for a new post, but Mz. Nikki is in the midst of creating a new home for some of the freakier posts on here. Sorry if shit's been looking kind of tangle eyed around here, but ya'll know a sistah gotta change some thangs up!

The new blog is almost ready to be unveiled, so be on the lookout. I'll be moving all of the freakum dress type posts over there, so don't worry, I'm not done dispensing that shit yet!

EDIT: the freakum girl posts are now here: Sexxy N The City See you there!

Happy Burfday To Ya!

Happy Burfday to me... happy birthday to me. Happy Burfday!

Yesssssss the world was blessed to come to now MzNikki 30 (shut up! I can turn 30 as many years in a row as I want, so neh!) years ago today. It's been a helluva ride, and the good LORD knows my ass has had fun. Take care and G-d bless all my crazee ass nigrettas and nigrettos out thurre!